


Welcome Home Winchester

by horrorgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff, Loneliness, M/M, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6895735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horrorgirl/pseuds/horrorgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester knows that he's changed. He knows that his life just doesn't fit anymore. What is it going to take for him to feel right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome Home Winchester

Dean Winchester was tired. Dean Winchester was done. 

He didn't sleep at night, but it wasn't because of the nightmares. The nightmares would always be a part of him. He stayed awake and wondered if any of this, if the way he lived, was worth it. He didn't want to know the things that he knew. He wished that he'd never seen the things that he'd seen. He wanted to turn back the clock and beg his father to let him and his brother Sam live a normal life. Retribution and anger had always been the end goal. Being a good little soldier and killing things that went bump in the night was all anyone had ever expected of him. He didn't take pride in what he did anymore. The Winchester name meant nothing to him. 

Dean's mother had been killed and his father was dead. The causes? A house fire and a car accident. At least that's what they told people. Nobody would believe the truth. He had lived a life that nobody would believe. It was something straight out of a movie, but at the end of the day he didn't take off the makeup and wardrobe and go home. It was his reality and he didn't have it in him to keep living this way. He knew that he had to leave.

He started slowly. He fixed up an old truck at his uncle Bobby's salvage yard under the guise of needing something to keep his hands busy. Bobby knew what Dean had been through, so he didn't ask questions. When his brother Sam would suggest a hunt, he would simply tell him that he was too tired and not ready yet. They walked softly around Dean and didn't ask a lot of questions. He took advantage of that. 

The sun hadn't even come up yet when he was finally ready. He took a shotgun, handgun, and blade out of the trunk of his father's 1967 Impala. Sometimes the most evil beings out there were human and he still needed to protect himself. He looked at the strange menagerie of weapons that he was leaving behind. They belonged to Sam now, as did the car. He had loved that car but now it stood for everything that he hated. His hand shook when set the keys on top of the simple note he'd left on Bobby's kitchen table. He looked around and took a deep breath of the cool morning air before he got in the pickup truck and started the engine. He had no destination. He still hadn't decided if he was going to turn left or right when he got to the highway, but he pulled away from the house knowing that he was a coward for leaving like this.

\--------------------

It was Sam who discovered the note. When he came down the stairs and didn't see Dean on the couch, he looked outside and saw that the car was still there. It wasn't like Dean to go for an early morning walk, but Dean hadn't been Dean. Not for awhile now. Sam saw the keys and single sheet of paper on the table. The message was short and it was simple. He was leaving 'the life'. The car and weapons that they had amassed over the years now belonged to Sam. He was keeping the same cell phone number but had turned off the GPS. The final sentence was a plea to let him just go and not to try and find him. Sam sank heavily into a chair and tried to absorb what he'd just read, and re-read. That's where Bobby found him.

"Sam, maybe he just needs some time." Bobby said, holding the note in his hands. "That boy has been through a lot. It doesn't surprise me that he needs his space right now."

"Bobby, he left the Impala. If he had any intention of coming back he would have taken it. He loves that car."

Bobby set the note back on the table with a weary sigh. Sam was right. The two of them knew Dean better than anyone. Dean was impetuous. This was a well thought out plan. Dean had no intention of returning any time soon. He turned to talk to Sam and saw him fumbling with his phone, "Sam, don't try to call him right now. He won't answer. Just leave him be. I'm just as upset as you are, but he's as stubborn as the day is long. We can't talk him into coming back. Not yet."

"So what do we do Bobby?"

"We wait."

\------------------

Dean just drove. He drove in circles on backroads. When his eyes started to get cloudy he would pull over and try to sleep on the bench seat in the truck. He wasn't quite sure where he was when he finally stopped, Wyoming maybe, but he knew it was the place when he passed the 'Help Wanted' sign sitting outside of a garage. He parked and looked around. It was a small town surrounded by barren land and low mountains. The wind whipped down Main Street and through his thin t-shirt. It was anonymous and it was perfect. He walked into the small town diner, taking a minute in the bathroom to clean himself up before he ordered. He asked the waitress for a copy of the local newspaper while he waited for his food. The newspaper only had six pages. Dean knew that it might be hard to get lost in a small town, but as long as he kept his head down and conversations to a minimum he would eventually be able to blend in. He would be the new wrench monkey at the old garage. Now he just needed to convince the owner to hire him. He didn't have a believable resume, but he knew cars.

The owner's shirt said 'Hank'. He shook Dean's hand firmly and led him into his office. "What kind of experience do you have?"

Dean swallowed hard. He didn't want to talk about his past. He didn't have a past. But he had no choice. "My uncle owns a salvage yard. I've been helping him out since I was a kid. I also had a '67 Chevy that I kept running for over 240,000 miles." 

"Found a place to stay yet?"

"Not yet. I figured I would just get a room at the motel and move on if this doesn't work out."

Hank leaned back in his chair, sizing Dean up. "Well Dean, you look like an honest and hard working guy. I'll tell you what, you show up at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow and I'll have you start with some oil changes and tune ups. If it works out, I have a small apartment above the shop. I could rent it out to you and just take it out of your pay."

"Thank you sir" Dean said, reaching across the desk to shake Hank's hand. "I will see you at 8:00."

It didn't take Dean long to find the town's only motel. The rates were cheap, and the room was even cheaper. But, he'd stayed in worse places. He dropped his single bag on the bed and went to take a shower. The hot water cleaned off the road grime and helped to relax away some of the guilt, but that was short lived. He was digging in his bag for clean clothes when he heard his phone buzz on the table. He didn't even want to look at it, but he picked it up anyway. It was an incoming call from Sam. He had been gone for the better part of a week and hadn't tried to contact Sam or Bobby. He let the call go to voice mail as he pulled out some clean clothes and got dressed.

\-----------------

"No answer" Sam said as he shoved his phone back in his pocket. He didn't want to barrage Dean with questions, he just wanted to know that he was okay.

"I'm worried too Sam, but Dean can take care of himself. This last year ain't been easy on that boy. He's got a lot of head clearing to do. We need to let him be."

Sam looked up at the ceiling in frustration, "for how long Bobby? How long do we wait."

"We'll hear from Dean when he's ready to talk. And don't you even consider going after him Sam Winchester. He asked you not to. As hard as it is, we need to respect that."

Sam heard the muffled sound of his phone chime in his pocket. It was a text message:

"Sammy, I'm fine. I'll call you soon."

Sam read the message to Bobby. "He's fine Sam, that's all we need to know right now."

\--------------------

After a week of oil changes and tune ups, Hank officially put Dean on the payroll and handed him the keys to the upstairs apartment. It was small, it wasn't much, but it was Dean's. He was able to find a usable couch, table, and bed. One of the guys at the shop gave him an old tv. It still had rabbit ears, but Dean didn't care. His best find was an old stereo with a cassette player. 

It had been over two weeks since he'd left Bobby's. He owed it to Sam to call. Sam picked up before the second ring.

"Sammy, before you say anything I'm going to lay down some ground rules. I am not going to tell you where I'm at or what I'm doing. I don't want to talk about why I left, you know why."

Sam stayed silent on the other end.

"Sam?"

"Sorry Dean, I just don't really know what to say. I mean, you're okay, you sound good."

The last thing that Dean had wanted to do was hurt his little brother, but he could hear it in Sam's voice. "Listen Sammy" he said gently, "I'm sorry, okay. This is selfish and cowardly, but I had to do it."

"I know you did, Dean. I'm not going to try to find you. I'm not going to beg you to come back. I just need to know that you're okay, that you're taking care of yourself."

Dean sighed, "it's taken me over 20 years to try to learn how to be alone. This is something that I have to do. Now pass the phone to Bobby before we get all chick flicky."

"Okay. You take care of yourself Dean. We'll talk again soon?"

"Yeah, we will Sammy."

Sam handed the phone to Bobby. Dean knew that Bobby wouldn't ask questions, he just wanted to hear his voice.

"Dean! Now I'm not going to start in on ya. I know how hard headed you are. All I'm gonna say is that you can't go this long without calling your brother. It ain't right."

Dean was riddled with guilt, "I know, Bobby. I just needed time to work up to it."

"And I understand that, boy. We're respecting your wishes, you owe it to the kid."

Dean ran one hand down his face. He didn't want to get emotional. "Yeah, you're right, and I'm sorry. I just wanted you two to know that I'm okay, but there are things that I don't want to talk about and I don't know if Sam really understands that."

"Well if he don't, I do and I'll set him straight. It's been a rough road for you Dean. You take care and call if you need anything."

"I will" Dean whispered and he hung up the phone.

\---------------------

Dean's life became routine. He worked, and he worked hard. Some nights he would join the guys from the shop for a beer, but he never talked about himself. Other nights he would watch dvd's on the player he'd recently bought. Sometimes he would just lay on his couch and listen to music. He became a regular at the diner and one of his signature grins usually got him a free cup of coffee. There weren't a lot of single women around, but he wasn't that interested anyway. He didn't want to get close to anyone. Nobody in town knew who the Winchesters were. He was just 'Dean'. 

\--------------------

He was dozing on the couch when he heard the knock on the door. The only time anybody knocked on his door was when the guys from work wanted him to come play pool and have a beer, or if there was an after hours emergency. Dean had the second set of keys to the shop, they came with the apartment. He groaned as he sat up. He was feeling lazy, but it was all in a day's work. He opened the door to a man that he didn't recognize. He obviously wasn't from the shop, and judging by his clothes he wasn't from anywhere around here.

"Dean Winchester?"

Dean knew that this wasn't good. Sometimes he'd wondered what would happen if his old life caught up with him.

"No, you've got the wrong place. Sorry." He started to shut the door but the man grabbed it and stopped him.

"If you lift up your shirt sleeve you will find a scar in the shape of a hand that says differently."

Dean dropped his head and opened the door. He had an idea of where this conversation was going, but he wasn't going to have it in the hallway.

"Okay, so I'm Dean Winchester, but I'm retired. Who are you? How do you know about the scar?"

The stranger held up his hand, "I know about the scar because it's the same shape and size as this hand. My name is Castiel and I just want to talk."

Dean turned off the tv and sat on the couch. "Okay Castiel, I get it, but just in case you didn't hear me, I'm retired. I left the life. No more hunting."

"This isn't about the hunting, Dean. This is about what you owe me."

"What I owe you?" Dean was confused. "When I left the life I left a clean slate. I don't owe you shit. I don't even know who you are, or how you found me."

"Apparently I missed a few things during my introduction. I am Castiel, an angel of the lord. I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

Dean stood up shaking his head, "no, no, no, there is no way you could know about that. An angel of the lord? Okay, this is some creepy bullshit. Hopefully it's just a nightmare and I'll wake up soon."

"Dean, you spent 40 years in the pits of hell because of a deal that you made and I was sent to retrieve your soul."

Dean's jaw dropped. He didn't know this man, he obviously wasn't a hunter. How could he know about that. "Okay, let's just pretend that I believe you. Why are you here? What do I owe you?"

"I raised your soul because you are needed to fulfill a prophecy."

"Whoa, uh no. I left all of that shit behind me. It's staying behind me. And if you really did raise my soul, I appreciate the gesture but I never asked for it. I checked out of the game. I'm done. So your options are to send me back or to leave me alone."

"I can't do that Dean"

Dean crossed the room and grabbed the doorknob, "I want you to leave. I want you to go find whoever it was that told you that I was raised from hell in order to fulfill a prophecy and tell them that I said thanks, but no thanks. And finally, I never want to see you around here again. I am retired. Spread the word."

"I can see that you need time to process this information. I will take my leave, but I will be back. We have a lot of things we need to discuss." and Castiel disappeared.

Once Dean was able to breathe, he paced around his apartment. He could feel a headache coming on. He knew that one day maybe another hunter would pass through town and recognize him. That had been his biggest fear. He was not prepared for this. He couldn't call Bobby and ask him to look up the lore. He had decided months ago that he was done, but he couldn't pretend that this was some type of cruel joke, he saw the guy disappear into thin air. 

For the first time in months Dean couldn't sleep because of the nightmares.

\-------------------

"He always calls on Wednesdays Bobby." It was after midnight and Sam's phone had yet to ring.

"Maybe he had a date."

They both knew that Bobby was just trying to appease Sam. Dean didn't date, he never had. Dean picked up chicks in bars. Sam knew that was one thing that would never change. He wanted to call Dean, but that went against their unspoken terms. Dean called, and he called on Wednesdays. They struggled to find things to talk about, but they talked. It was typically one sided, Sam talked and Dean listened, but he still called.

"Cut him some slack, Sam. He missed one phone call in how many months. He'll call."

"I worry about him Bobby."

"So do I, son."

\---------------------

Dean was already awake when his alarm went off. He was hoping that last night was nothing more than a bad dream, albeit a very detailed one. He looked at his scar in the bathroom mirror. Sam and Bobby were the only people who knew about it. There it was, a perfect handprint across the top of his shoulder. He'd never questioned where it had come from, he didn't want to know. 

He lost himself in work that day, grateful that they were busy. It wasn't until lunchtime that he realized it was Thursday, he'd forgotten to call Sam last night. He declined his co-workers invitation for an after work beer and wearily climbed the stairs to his apartment. He looked at the scar again when he got out of the shower, he ran his fingers across it. It was thick and heavy, but it had never bothered him. Most of the time he forgot it was there. He picked up his phone to call Sam. He knew that as much as Sam wanted to berate him, he wouldn't. Dean felt guilty for what he was doing to Sam, he knew it was selfish. He also knew that if he'd stayed on the path that he'd been taking, if he'd kept that mindset, he would probably be dead by now. Either by his own hand or someone else's. He hit speed dial and waited.

"Dean! Um, is everything okay?"

"Yeah Sammy, everything is fine. I'm sorry about last night. I fell asleep early." 

Sam could hear the weariness in Dean's voice, he knew that Dean was lying. Their relationship seemed so tenuous right now that he wasn't going to ask. If one phone call a week is all that Dean was willing to give him, then he had to understand. He still held out hope that Dean would come home soon. They talked about nothing in particular and then Sam gave the phone to Bobby so that they could talk about nothing in particular. The phone calls were getting harder and harder. Dean wouldn't talk about the past, the present, or the future. Sam didn't know what to say anymore.

Dean spent the rest of the night laying on the couch listening to music. He mindlessly focused on lyrics and guitar solos. He didn't even notice that he kept reaching over to scratch at his scar. 

\--------------------

Dean was in the back of the shop rebuilding a carburetor when he heard Hank, "Winchester, you have a guest." Dean always cringed a little when they called him by his last name. He wiped his hands on a shop rag and walked to the front, wondering who would be looking for him. The only people he associated with were either at the shop or the diner. That's when he saw his guest. Castiel.

"Hello Dean."

Castiel stood out in his trenchcoat and cheap suit. It was obvious at first sight that he wasn't from town. Dean forced himself to smile. "Thanks Hank." He turned to Castiel, "can we talk outside?" Castiel nodded and followed Dean out to the sidewalk.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Dean whispered.

"I told you that I would give you some time to process our conversation and then I would come back."

"Okay, first of all, lower your voice. I work here." Dean was growing red in the face. "Second of all, two days is not enough time to process that conversation. And last but not least, I told you not to come back."

"But I need to speak with you Dean."

"Not in front of the garage you don't. You aren't going to leave me the fuck alone, are you?"

Castiel just sighed, "you don't seem to understand that I can not do that."

"Okay, fine" Dean hissed, "but not here. Never here. Never in public. Do you understand?" He turned and walked back into the garage. Hank gave him a questioning look. "Just a guy I stopped and helped with a flat tire a few days ago. He came by to tip me." Dean was on edge for the rest of the day. He had left everything he knew, everything that he loved behind to get away from that life. Now it was coming to him.

\-------------------

Dean had just gotten out of the shower when he saw Castiel standing in his living room. 

"The door is still locked. I'm guessing that you can teleport or something like that?"

"I can move through physical barriers if that is what you are asking."

Dean started digging through the refrigerator for a beer, "I'd offer you something to eat or drink but considering that I don't want you here, I won't."

"I'm an angel, Dean. I do not not need to eat or drink."

"Of course not." Dean mumbled. He sat on the couch with his beer and looked at Castiel. "So what, you don't sit either?"

"Not usually, no."

Dean wanted this, this thing out of his apartment. "So, you dragged me out of the pit and now we have some type of IOU on the table? And let's keep in mind that I never asked for any favors."

"As I tried to explain the other night, once you agree to fulfill..."

"Wait," Dean interrupted, "Agree? So I have to actually agree to this shit? Okay then, the answer is no. It's been a pleasure doing business with you."

"Yes, technically you have to agree. Are you always this rude."

"Only to angels who piss me off, so no. Hopefully it's a once in a lifetime thing."

Castiel continued to stand in the middle of Dean's living room.

"Hey, asshole angel, you can go now."

"You are very angry Dean."

Dean leaned his head back and groaned, "I am angry, Castiel. I told you no and now I want you to get the fuck out of my apartment."

Castiel softened his eyes and looked at Dean, "I mean in general. I understand that your childhood was extremely difficult and that you blame your father for many things."

Dean jumped up and moved towards Castiel until their faces were only inches apart, "I believe that you are an angel, I do. You seem to know an awful lot about me. But, don't start in with his psycho babble shit. I told you no, so there is no reason for you to still be here."

"Dean, I want to help you."

"You want me to fulfill a prophecy yet you want to help me?"

"I cannot force you to do anything. However, the man I expected to communicate with is nothing like the man that you are."

"Oh, now we want to talk about my manhood? I'm done. We're done. This is done. I want you to leave and I don't want to see that dirty trenchcoat or cheap suit ever again."

Castiel disappeared.

That's when Dean broke down and cried. He couldn't remember the last time he cried so hard. He could never escape that life, his old life. The life that his father forced on him and Sam when they were kids. Castiel was right, he did have issues with his father. He had a lot of issues but he had spent years pushing them aside, ignoring them, pretending that they weren't there. That's what had made him angry, that's what had made him such a good hunter. 

"Dean." Castiel said softly, "I did not intend to hurt you."

Dean looked up and through teary eyes saw Castiel standing by the door. "Why are you back?"

"Because you are suffering. I did not intend to make you suffer."

"Okay, so I have family issues. I'm bawling like a baby on my couch. Why does any of that matter to you?"

"Because I know your soul." 

Dean cried harder while Castiel stood by the door. Castiel stayed and watched as Dean fell asleep.

\--------------------

Dean woke up in a panic. He didn't realize that he'd fallen asleep on the couch, and he didn't know what time it was. He struggled to pull his phone out of his pocket.

"Relax Dean, it's Saturday. You don't work on Saturdays."

Dean sat up and wiped his eyes, his phone was still twisted in his pocket. "You're here?"

"Yes Dean. I never left."

Dean had finally freed his phone and checked the time. It was after 10:00, but Castiel was right, he didn't work on Saturdays. "So it's creepy that you know my schedule. It's even creepier that you watched me sleep."

"If it's any consolation Dean, this is the first time I have watched you sleep."

Dean just stared at Castiel. He didn't know what was going on, or what he was supposed to do. He'd never dealt with an angel before. He'd never thought about it. He'd dealt with enough demons that he should have figured there would be a white to their black, a light to their dark, but everything in his life had seemed dark. 

"So, how much do you know about me? Did they hand you a case file and tell you to go save this guy? Do you have super stalker skills? What?"

"I didn't know much about you, other than you are a Winchester. Not until I touched your soul."

"Okay, first of all Cas, can I call you Cas? Castiel sounds too biblical and pompous."

"Castiel is biblical. My father game me this name."

Dean was becoming frustrated. "Okay, great, and I was named after my grandmother. Back to what I was saying, I am not a Winchester. Not anymore."

"Dean, you are now and will always be a Winchester. I understand that you are trying to escape your birthright. Hide from your..."

"Okay, that is where you are wrong." Dean interrupted. "I am not hiding from anything."

"Then why haven't you told Sam or Bobby where you are?"

Dean felt like he had been punched, "do NOT bring my brother into this!"

"But Sam is the reason that you..."

"Cas, I won't say it again, do NOT bring Sam into this. I made a choice and I don't regret it. If I had it to do all over again I would make the same choice. If you want to talk about me, fine, but Sam is off limits."

"I understand. You need to understand that you are a Winchester. You can't escape that."

Dean walked into his small kitchen to start brewing coffee. He was having a conversation that he didn't want to have. "That, Cas, is where you are wrong. I gave it up. I un-Winchestered myself"

"Dean, you moved one state away and got a job. At the end of the day you are still the man that you were born to be."

Dean locked eyes with Cas, "but I'm not the man that you expected me to be."

"I didn't mean that in a negative way Dean. You are more, I guess the best way to describe it would be vulnerable."

"Vulnerable?" Dean chuckled, "if you know my life so well then you know that is not the first word that comes to mind when people talk about me."

"That's because you don't let anybody see it."

"Oh, but you do?" 

"I felt it" Cas said softly.

"Why am I talking to you? Why are you still here? I told you no. I gave you your answer. So why are we standing here playing the psychiatrist game? When I said that I left it behind me, I meant all of it. That includes angels. I just want to be Dean, okay. I want to be left alone to live my life."

"You will never be just 'Dean' and you know that."

"Listen to me" Dean said, raising his voice, "being a Winchester...hunting...I didn't sign up for any of it. Do you think that I would have chosen that life? It was decided for me and there was nothing I could do about it until now. I feel like shit for leaving Sam and Bobby behind. I do. I'm a selfish prick and I know it. You said that you were here to help me? Then take my name off the list. Go tell whoever it was that sent you that you have the wrong guy. Dean Winchester does not exist. Not anymore. Now this conversation is done. You and I are done."

Castiel disappeared.

Dean leaned against the counter and looked up at the ceiling. Maybe he had been naive when he thought he could just start over, that he could leave it all behind him. But he knew the day that he came back from hell, the day that he dug himself out of that hole, that he wasn't a hunter anymore. He'd considered talking to Sam about it, but Sam wouldn't understand. He already carried the burden of guilt over Dean's decision to make the deal. He knew that Dean did it to save his life. He felt his resentment towards his father rise up inside of him. His father may be dead, but he had put Dean in this position. He had created the life that Dean hated. For the first time since he'd moved to town Dean actually wished that he worked on Saturdays. He'd learned early on that there weren't many opportunities for distraction in a small town. The combination of driving and loud music usually worked. He grabbed his keys and went downstairs to his truck. 

\----------------------

Sam could hear something different in Dean's voice when he called that Wednesday. He sounded resigned. He wanted to just ask him to come home, but he knew he couldn't. Bobby just told him to be patient, to give Dean time. It was getting harder and harder every day. 

\---------------------

Dean woke up with a start. It wasn't until he sat up in bed that he realized that he was breathing heavy and sweating. The nightmares had come back the first night that Castiel visited him, but this one was different. As horrific as most of them were, they were manageable. He didn't even understand what he had just dreamt about. Castiel hadn't visited him in weeks, not since the Saturday morning when Dean told him that they were done. He didn't want to see Castiel, but he did want to know what his dream meant. He still had over an hour before his alarm would go off, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. 

He was distracted all day, even his co-workers noticed. He kept replaying the dream over and over again. 

Castiel was sitting on Dean's couch when he got home from work.

"So we've gone from stalking to breaking and entering, and now you're sitting. It's like we've reached a major milestone in our relationship."

"Hello Dean, I understand that you had some questions for me?"

"Okay, seriously. How do you do that? Your name crosses my mind one time and you show up? You missed your calling. You should have gone into the pizza delivery business."

"Dean, are you always this sarcastic?"

"Yes Cas, I am always this sarcastic."

Dean threw his grease covered jacket over the back of a chair and turned to Castiel, "okay, I have some questions. Let's start with who are Uriel and Zachariah?"

"Where did you hear about Uriel and Zachariah?"

"Well, they just popped in my head last night, while I was sleeping. So the whole angels are good and gentle and want to help humanity thing is a line of bullshit, right?"

Cas averted his eyes and looked down at the floor. "What happened in your dream Dean?"

"Basically they were angelic henchmen trying to track my ass down, and they didn't look happy. What's going on Cas? Why am I having nightmares about angels?"

"I told them that you said no. They weren't happy about it. They are blaming me and apparently they intend to find you."

"You're kidding, right? Now I'm on heaven's most wanted list? I'm guessing you didn't have a backup plan. So what do I do now, Cas? Apparently saying no wasn't an option."

Cas sighed and stood up, "this is my fault, Dean. I need to fix this."

"Uh, damn straight you need to fix this. I didn't walk away from Sam and Bobby to turn around and deal with this shit."

"You may not like this but I am going to need to ward you and watch over you." Cas said, resting his hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Ward me and watch over me?" Dean could feel a subtle burning where Cas's hand rested atop his scar.

"I need to place sigils either on or in you in order to keep them from finding you."

"Sigils on me or in me?"

"The easiest way is for you to allow me to etch them onto your ribcage."

Dean stepped back and away from Cas's hand. "And how would you go about doing that?"

Cas again placed his hand on Dean's shoulder, "I just did."

"Okay, that was painless. What now?"

"I'm afraid that I am going to have to watch over you until I can find a way to fix this."

"Watch over me? Like hang out here all of the time? Follow me around?"

"I can watch over you without being seen if that is what you are asking."

Dean couldn't believe it. He had been retrieved from hell and walked away from the hunting life just to be caught up in angel drama. He had left Sam behind....

"Wait, will any of this affect Sam? Would they go after him to get to me? Is he safe?"

"It's you they want, but Sam is the other Winchester. I cannot guarantee his safety unless you stay away from him until this situation is resolved."

Now Dean couldn't go home if he wanted to. He wasn't going to put Sam at risk. He was stuck in this small town with this creepy angel hiding from other creepy angels.

"Ya know, you guys are nothing like the angels they show in movies. You must have a great public relations department because right now I'm convinced that you all pretty much suck."

"I apologize Dean. I will get this resolved."

Castiel disappeared.

Dean didn't notice that he was scratching his shoulder as he just stood and looked around the room. Cas had said he would watch over him, but then he disappeared. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know if it was safe for him to leave his apartment. All he did know was that he was in over his head.

\---------------------

Castiel returned later that night to find Dean pacing around his apartment.

"Hello Dean."

"You bailed on me without giving me some information that I think is pretty important. I need to know what the protocol is here. I know that we're stuck with each other whether we like it or not, but what are the rules? Can I leave? Go places? The diner? The store? Work?"

"You are free to go anywhere Dean. But like I said before, I would suggest that you not go back to Bobby's until this is over. I will be with you, yes. I can make my presence unknown."

"But you'll still be here? Like when I'm showering and stuff? Ya know, sometimes a guy needs to take care of business."

"If you are uncomfortable with nudity you need to understand that I reside in a male vessel. I have a working knowledge of the anatomy. I have touched your soul, that is far more intimate than seeing you in the nude."

"Okay, that was awkward. But about this warding, if the henchmen can't find me, how will you?"

"I will always be able to find you. I marked your shoulder, we will always be bound."

"So you'll disappear, but you'll still be here? And you'll keep me updated on the henchmen situation?"

"If that is what you would like, Dean."

Dean flashed a grin at Cas and turned the tv on. True to his word, Cas disappeared. 

\------------------

Dean's entire life had been one big secret, so there was really no surprise in how quickly he accepted the situation. He never saw Cas. It was easy to pretend like nothing had changed since he'd moved to town. He desperately wanted to call to check on Sam, but he stuck to the same schedule. He still said very little when they talked. 

\---------------------

Dean realized that wanting to be anonymous in this small town and needing to be anonymous in this small town were two different ways of life. Everything was turning gray. Everything was becoming predictable. He was suffocating. He was growing tired of keeping his head down and his conversations to a minimum. He missed Sam and he missed Bobby. 

"Cas? I know you're here..."

Castiel appeared in the middle of the living room.

"Any updates? Am I still on the most wanted list?"

Cas just sighed, "Nothing yet Dean, I'm still working on it."

"So, I was wondering, do you really know everything about me?"

"Not everything Dean, but I do know many things."

Dean hung his head, "I'm lonely Cas. It's pathetic, I know. I haven't talked to anybody who really knows me, not for months. Sam and Bobby don't count because we don't really talk."

"If would be happy to talk to you Dean."

"Well could you at least sit? I don't mean snuggle up on the couch with me, but grab a chair or something?"

Cas dragged a kitchen chair into the living room and set it near the couch. He sat at an angle so that Dean couldn't see his face. He didn't want Dean to feel obligated to make eye contact. Dean was his responsibility now and he didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"What would you like to talk about?"

Dean laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling, "Angels, Cas. I want to talk about angels. I know almost everything there is to know about demons and monsters. I had to study and memorize locations, weaknesses, means of attack. I never really thought about angels until you showed up. I'm sorry, but so far you all haven't exactly lived up to my expectations. So explain it to me. Why are we told that you are these soft and gentle creatures when in all reality you're kind of assholes?"

"You and I are a lot more alike than you realize, Dean. I'm a soldier. That is what my father wanted. I am to follow orders without question. Sometimes those orders may not be so...heavenly. Some of us love humanity, but there are a few who do not. We are not allowed free will. I was ordered to retrieve your soul, but I was not told why. I did not know until after I had reunited your soul with your vessel that you were expected to fulfill a prophecy. I simply followed orders."

"So what you are doing now, helping me, who told you to do that?"

"Nobody, Dean. I am exercising free will."

Dean sat up and looked at Cas, "but you just said you're not allowed free will."

"We are not. I am going against my orders. In time I will be considered a rogue angel and will possibly be punished. I will most certainly lose any seniority I hold in my garrison."

"But why?"

"Dean, I know Uriel and Zachariah. They do not love humanity and they are relentless. That is why they were chosen to find you. You may denounce the Winchester name but even angels are familiar with your reputation. You are considered difficult."

Dean chuckled, "Dean Winchester is difficult? Aw come on, I'm delightful."

"No, you are difficult. You have lived up to your reputation. When I was given your assignment it was the first time I had ever been told to retrieve a human soul from hell and I didn't know what to expect. I frequently come in contact with human souls in heaven and I wrongly assumed that yours would be no different. I was mistaken."

"Wow Cas, I don't know if I should be offended or honored."

Cas turned his head and looked at Dean, "Neither. You weren't better or worse. It wasn't that distinct. You seemed insulted when I referred to you as vulnerable, but I can't think of a better way to describe it."

"I wasn't insulted. I've been called a lot of things in my life. Vulnerable has never been one of them. I guess I don't understand how anybody could see that in me."

"You put on a brave face Dean, but you are broken on the inside."

Dean laid back on the couch and didn't respond. He was broken. He had been for a long time. 

"Have I offended you again Dean?"

"No Cas" Dean whispered. "I guess it's just hard to hear somebody say things that you've been trying to deny. Real men don't break, that's what I was taught. Admitting that I'm broken makes me feel like a failure, like less of a man."

"You are not a failure Dean. You are not less of a man."

Dean sat up and ran his hands up his face, "I hope to believe that some day. Thanks for talking to me Cas." he said quietly before he got up and went into his bedroom. Cas put the chair back in the kitchen and disappeared.

\--------------------

Dean was becoming increasingly distracted. He hadn't dreamt about Uriel or Zachariah since Cas had warded him, but the other nightmares had remained. 

"Winchester!" Hank called from across the shop.

Dean wiped his greasy hands on a shop rag and walked towards the office. Hank gestured at Dean to sit and closed the door. "Everything okay Winchester? You're a hell of a mechanic but you haven't been at the top of your game lately. I'd hate to have to put you back on oil changes and tune ups."

Dean sighed wearily, he knew that he wasn't all there. "I'm just not sleeping well."

"Well maybe you should try to drink some of that chamomile shit that my wife is always talking about. I run a good shop and you're better with a wrench than most of the guys out there. I know that you don't got family, Dean. You let me know if you need anything. Now get back to work, Mrs. Scott's alternator isn't gonna replace itself."

"Thanks Hank" Dean said as he left the office and pulled the door shut behind him. He knew that he had to get his shit together. He was stuck in this town and he needed this job. He went out for a drink with the guys after work just to try and regain some semblance of normalcy.

Some nights Dean would lay in his bed and be so overcome by loneliness he considered calling Cas. He knew that Cas could probably sense it, but he hadn't shown himself since the night that they had talked about the parallels in their lives. He couldn't call Sam or Bobby, but that was more about their safety and less about his desire to start over. Even his Wednesday calls made him nervous.

\----------------

"There's something different about him Bobby" Sam whispered as Bobby handed him his phone.

"He's bound to change, Sam. He's been gone for months."

"I know Bobby, but this is different. I've spent most of my life right next to him. I know him better than anybody. He sounds scared."

"Sam, we both know that Dean is the best hunter out there. He may have quit the game but that don't change the fact that he can take care of himself. We have to believe that he knows what he's doing."

Sam just sighed. The last time Dean had been gone this long, he was in hell. Sam couldn't handle the idea of losing Dean again.

\--------------------

Dean woke up from the nightmare, the sound of souls suffering still ringing in his head. In the past he would drink to do away with the dreams, but he wasn't that guy anymore.

"Hello Dean."

"Damn Cas, you scared the shit out of me. So what's up? Any news from upstairs?"

"Not yet Dean, but I think I'm getting close. I heard your nightmare and showed myself without thinking. I apologize."

"You heard my nightmare?"

"I heard your cries, Dean. I am watching over you."

Dean sat up in bed and saw Cas's outline in the dark. "So you know about everything I do?"

"Not everything. I can feel your emotions. I can feel when you are sad, or afraid, or lonely. I'm guessing that I can probably feel when you are excited or happy, but I don't know. I have never felt that from you."

Dean laid back down and put his hands behind his head, "I don't think that I've actually been excited or happy Cas. Not since I left the pit. Not even when I moved here." 

"Why did you move here Dean? If you don't mind me asking."

"If don't mind you asking. You already know a hell of a lot more about me than most people. I guess I tried to convince myself that I could start over, be anonymous. I changed in the pit. I came back a completely different person. I felt like I had to leave it all behind because it just didn't feel right. But this doesn't feel right either. I'm not built to be a grease monkey in a small town, but I can't bring myself to hunt. I said that I un-Winchestered because I don't even know who I am anymore. There ya go, Dean Winchester's existential crisis."

"No, I understand Dean. What I said before was true, you will always be a Winchester. You are known upstairs as well as downstairs. That will never change. That doesn't mean that you have to continue to be a hunter."

"Then what do I do Cas? That's the only life I've ever known. My father always told me that we were saving people, but I know that line has been crossed. And the things that I saw in hell? The things that I did? Those memories will never go away." Dean started to silently cry. He didn't want Cas to know about the things he had done. "Cas? Be totally honest with me."

"Always Dean."

"Do you know what happened in hell? Can you guys see what is going on down there? Or could you feel it when you touched me?"

"No Dean, I don't know. All I know is that it damaged you and I am sorry for that."

"There is no reason to be sorry. Why are you being so nice to me? Why are you willing to go rogue for me?"

"I know Uriel and Zachariah. I know that they won't stop looking for you. Something happened when I touched you. You weren't the inherently evil human that I was expecting. I could feel all of the good things coursing through you and it took me by surprise. I feel responsible for you. I feel that I need to protect you. You are like no other human I have ever been in contact with and my goal is to keep you alive."

"I've never needed anybody to protect me. I've always been able to take care of myself. I've always watched out for Sam. So why do I feel safe when you're here? To be honest, it fucks with my head a little."

"I'm sorry Dean."

"No reason to be sorry." Dean said as he rolled over and tried to fall back to sleep. He didn't want to over think any of this. He just wanted this angel business done. He wanted to go home.

\-----------------

It had been a grueling day at work and Dean was exhausted. He just wanted a hot shower followed by a cold beer. He was absentmindedly standing under the stream of water when he felt his cock grow hard. Although it wasn't as bad as it had been when he was a teenager, the thing still had a mind of its own. He hadn't had sex since before the hell hounds came for him. He hadn't really thought about it. He could ignore it or turn the water to cold, but maybe it would help release some of the tension that had been building. He leaned against the back wall of the shower and wrapped his hand around it. He tightened his fist and gasped, it really had been a long time. It only took a few strokes for him to come. He stood with his head back breathing heavily. He hadn't realized how desperately he needed that.

He walked towards the kitchen to grab that beer, wondering if tonight was a movie night or a music night when he saw Cas standing in the living room.

"Do you have an update? Any news?"

"No, no, just another false alarm." 

"Cas, are you blushing? Can angels even blush? What's the false alarm?" And then Dean realized what had brought Cas there. "So you can feel, um, the shower thing?"

"Apparently I can. I wasn't watching you. I just felt, something."

Dean thought that maybe he should be embarrassed, but he wasn't. "It happens, we all do it. Sometimes you've just got to take the edge off. No need to blush. It's not a big deal." Cas wouldn't meet his eyes. "Wait, you've never..."

"I never had a reason to." Cas mumbled.

"You said that you were familiar with the male anatomy because of your vessel or whatever. Does it function like a human body? I mean, haven't you ever used it?" Dean could see Cas becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but he was fascinated.

"No Dean, I've never used it. When...that...happens I just ignore it until it goes away."

"Wow, that must suck. I mean sometimes you've just gotta, you know, do your thing. And there must be some female angels. If you all have human vessels then you could, you know, get some."

Cas's cheeks had turned bright red. Dean wanted to laugh but he didn't want to make Cas more uncomfortable. He didn't know that angels could be uncomfortable. "So it's obvious that you are embarrassed. Does that mean that you can have like human reactions?"

"Are you mocking me Dean?"

"No Cas, I'm not. Not at all. It's just interesting. I mean, I know demons. They are all kinds of sex crazed. I never thought that angels could, well you know."

"My vessel is anatomically correct. It functions as a human vessel. I can get hurt and feel pain."

"Well sex, or rubbing one out, whatever it takes to relieve yourself is definitely the opposite of pain. Unless you're into that, which is a whole other conversation. But you're embarrassed. I'll drop it. Do you want to stick around? I was just trying to decide if it was a movie night or a music night."

"I can stay present if you would like me to."

"Sounds good. Movie or music? I'll let you decide."

They spent the rest of the night next to the old stereo while Dean explained the finer points of classic rock.

\------------------

Dean was getting used to Cas. If he really thought about it, and was willing to admit it to himself, he enjoyed having Cas around. He had been right when he told Dean that they were alike in many ways and Dean had discovered that Cas was more human than he'd originally thought. He had stopped with the 'yes Dean' and 'whatever you would like, Dean' and formed his own opinions. Sometimes Dean would almost forget that he was an angel. Dean had bought a used chair for Cas to sit in when they spent hours talking. He was even able to get Cas to laugh once or twice.

"Okay, if you have a human body but an angels spirit..."

"Grace" Cas interrupted, "we have grace."

"Okay, grace, whatever. My question is, does that make you mortal?"

"My vessel is mortal, yes, but my grace is different. I can have my grace removed which would deplete all angelic powers."

"But you'd still be alive, right? You'd still be Cas?"

"Yes, I would. Unless I were to be stabbed by an angel blade. That would erase all remnants of me."

"So technically speaking, you're not really immortal. If you are stabbed by this angel blade thingy then you're a goner?"

"Technically speaking, yes"

"Do you have one? I want to see it."

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean. He could be such a child sometimes. "Yes, I carry an angel blade." he said as he pulled it out from inside of his trenchcoat.

"Damn...that's pretty badass." Dean wanted to get his hands on it, but he knew that Cas wouldn't let him. He could be such a pain in the ass sometimes.

"Dean, it's Wednesday."

"Oh shit" Dean said, looking at the clock. "Thank you for reminding me."

"I'll leave now."

"No, no, no Cas. Stay. Just keep your damn mouth shut." 

\-------------------

"Dean, how's it going?"

"Good Sammy, I'm good. How are you? What have you been up to? Still helping Bobby sort through those old books?"

Sam was surprised. Dean sounded almost happy. It saddened him. If Dean was happy where he was then he may never come home. "Uh, yeah, still working on cataloging the library. Apparently Bobby's idea of organization and my idea of organization are two different things, so it's slow going. We only have a few hundred books left to go through."

"Wow, you nerds get to have all of the fun. I'd be jealous if it didn't sound so damn boring. What's Bobby doing?"

"He's sitting right here."

"Okay, well pass me off like a cheap hooker and get back to your books."

"Uh, okay Dean. I'll talk to you next week." Sam passed the phone to Bobby. He wasn't paying attention to Dean and Bobby's conversation like he normally would. He was still mildly shocked. 

"Hey, Sam, here's your phone. You okay son?"

"Did Dean sound different to you?"

"Not that I noticed" Bobby said as he sat back behind his desk. "Why?"

"I don't know, he seemed almost cheerful. I mean, since when is Dean cheerful?"

"Well, maybe that's a good sign Sam."

"Or maybe it means that he really is happy and he's never coming home."

\--------------------

Dean was just starting to drift off when he heard Cas, "Dean, are you asleep?"

"Not yet, but I almost was. Do you need something?"

"I have a question, but I'm not sure how to ask." 

Dean rolled over and groaned, "Can you come up with a quick version? I have to work tomorrow."

"Never mind, I'll let you sleep."

"Damnit Cas, you know that I'll be too curious to sleep. What do you want to know?"

"Okay, um, that day that you were in the shower..."

"When I rubbed one out? What about it?"

"How do you do it?"

Dean sat up in bed, "Seriously Cas? Do you have a hard on and need step by step instructions?"

"Never mind Dean. I'll let you sleep."

"No, it's fine. I can't go to sleep leaving a guy with blue balls. Well there's something that I never thought I'd say. So, all you've got to do is grab it and stroke it. Some guys use lotion, some don't. It's a friction thing. Keep tissues or something handy. It gets a little messy at the end."

"How will I know it's getting ready to end?"

"Trust me, you'll know. And for a newbie like you it shouldn't take very long. Oh son of a bitch."

"What's wrong Dean?"

"Apparently just talking about it is enough to get it up."

"You mean that you..."

"Yep, standing at full attention. Okay, another thing I never thought I'd say, but do you want to watch? You said that touching my soul is more intimate than sex. Do you want me to flip on the light and grab some tissues?"

Cas was silent.

"Ugh, you damn baby. Okay, I'm turning on the light. You can stay, you can go, whatever." Dean turned on his lamp and saw Cas standing in the corner, his cheeks bright red. Dean grabbed some tissues out of the box on his nightstand and laid them on his stomach. He pulled his boxers down and wrapped his hand around his cock. "Personally I'm not a lotion guy." and he started running his hand up and down the length slowly. Knowing that Cas was watching him excited him even more. He closed his eyes and started pumping his hand faster. He let out a groan when he felt the familiar throb. He tightened his hand and let out a small cry when the hot sticky come shot onto his stomach. He laid there for a minute gently squeezing and rubbing until he was too sensitive to take any more and then cleaned up his mess with the tissues. He pulled his boxers up and threw the sticky tissues into the trashcan next to his bed. "There you go, jacking off 101 with Dean Winchester as your teacher. Did you take notes? And before you ask, no I am not mocking you. You have a dick, you might as well enjoy it."

"I'm still not exactly sure how...never mind, I'll figure it out."

"Holy shit, a night full of firsts. Take off that trenchcoat and come here."

Cas was still standing in the corner, his cheeks still bright red.

Dean groaned with frustration. "Take the trenchcoat off and come here. I'll turn off the lamp. I'm not gonna do it for you but I'll show you how." Dean turned off the lamp and heard Cas drop his trenchcoat on the floor. He felt the bed dip when Cas laid down next to him. "Do you want lotion?" he asked as he grabbed some tissues. Cas shook his head in the dark, it was almost imperceptible but Dean saw it. He rolled on his side and held himself up on one elbow. "Okay, the pants have to come down." he whispered. He didn't want to embarrass Cas even more. He heard the sound of a zipper and could feel Cas wiggling to get his pants down. "Okay, wrap your hand around it." He heard Cas gasp. "Now slide your hand up and down." He could sense Cas's movements and he could tell that he was nervous and couldn't find a rhythm. "Here, let me help" he whispered as he reached down and wrapped his hand around Cas's. The whole situation felt strangely normal and fluid. He guided Cas's hand up and down the length of his cock. He could feel Cas shaking, "don't be so nervous" he said quietly. "Dean, I think..." Cas moaned. Dean grasped his hand tighter and sped up the pace. He could feel Cas start to throb and with a strangled cry he came all over both of their hands and his stomach. Dean squeezed and rubbed him a few more times and then cleaned up the mess. "There ya go Cas." he whispered. Cas pulled his pants back up and quietly said, "thank you Dean" before he retrieved his trenchcoat and disappeared. Dean rolled over and fell asleep.

\------------------

Dean caught himself thinking about that night at the oddest times. While he was laying under a car at work, at the counter in the diner waiting for his lunch, sitting on the couch watching old westerns. It had been a few days and he hadn't seen Cas since. Hopefully Cas was upstairs working on the prophecy problem. Dean walked in the door with his arms loaded with groceries and saw Cas sitting in his chair.

"Hey Cas! What's up?" he said with a grin as he walked into the kitchen and set the groceries down. He was putting the beer in the fridge when he heard...

"Hello Dean."

He stepped back, closed the refrigerator door, and walked into the living room. "Hello Dean? We're back to that? What's going on Cas?"

"I have just been worried about you being uncomfortable with what happened the other night."

"Are you uncomfortable Cas?"

"No, I have no reason to be. Angels are generally asexual so we don't understand labels such as heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. Those are human definitions."

"Okay, and?"

"I guess I just assumed that you are heterosexual."

"Well, yeah. The other night was a first for me but I'm not bothered by it. Maybe it's because you're an angel, maybe it's because we spend so much time together. Who knows? But it was actually kind of hot to have you watch me." Dean grinned. "I'm going to finish putting the groceries away. You sticking around? It's your night to pick movie or music."

"Movie!" Cas called to his retreating back. "And not a western."

Dean just groaned. That angel could be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

\--------------------

They watched the movie in silence. Dean laid on the couch pouting and Cas in the chair smiling. Occasionally Dean would absentmindedly reach over and scratch his scar.

"Your scar, does it bother you?"

"No" Dean said as he turned to look at Cas.

"I just noticed that sometimes you scratch it. I'm sorry that I left it there."

"Do I scratch it? I never noticed that. Don't be sorry. It's a reminder of the things I'm trying to escape, the things that you helped me escape."

"Can I see it?"

Dean pulled off his shirt and turned his shoulder to Cas.

"Um, can I touch it?"

"It's your handprint. Knock yourself out." 

Dean moved to make room for Cas on the couch. Cas gently trailed his fingers along the lines of Dean's scar. Dean shivered under his touch. "I remember that day" Cas said quietly. "I was so afraid. I didn't know what I was doing. I expected to find something dangerous and evil when I reached in, but you weren't. I wanted to ask questions about my orders. I wanted to know what they intended to do with you. I didn't find out until after I had made the reunion with your vessel. I was told to give you a short amount of time before I came to tell you about the prophecy, but I kept putting it off. I let time pass. I wanted to ignore my orders. I felt like my superiors had lied to me. I never wanted to come here Dean. I never wanted to ask anything of you." Dean was looking at the ceiling, trying to hold back tears. "I won't let them hurt you Dean." Cas continued. "I can't picture a world without Dean Winchester in it. If only they could see what I see." Cas lifted his eyes from Dean's shoulder and saw the tears. "What's wrong Dean?"

"I don't get you Cas. I don't get why you care so much about what happens to me. I don't get how much I trust you. For all I know you could be playing me, setting me up to turn me in, but everything inside of me tells me that you're not. You told me that you'd go rogue for me. You've gone rogue for me and I don't understand why."

"I don't always understand either, Dean. But everything inside of me tells me that this is the right thing to do. That you are worth saving and protecting." Cas bent his head and placed a kiss on the palm of the scar. He didn't understand the gentle humanity he'd just shown, but Dean did.

"What was that for?" Dean asked thickly.

"I don't know. I just..."

Dean sat up and placed his hands on either side of Cas's face, "I don't understand why you're here, or why you want to help me. What I do know is that I hate it when you disappear. And I hate that I hate it. It drives me crazy. I have never trusted anyone, never relied on anyone the way I do you, and I don't know what to make of it. I don't know what to do with it." He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against Cas's. "And I don't know what to make of that either. But I want you here, with me, on this couch and in my bed." and he leaned in to kiss Cas again, sliding his tongue against Cas's lips until he opened his mouth and allowed Dean to gently explore it. His body melted against Dean as he kissed him back. Dean pushed the trenchcoat off of Cas's shoulders and began to fumble with his tie. Cas pushed Dean's hands away and unknotted his tie while Dean worked on his shirt buttons. Together they removed Cas's shirt and Dean laid back down, pulling Cas on top of him. Dean never knew how beautiful Cas's body was. He ran his hands up Cas's arms and across his shoulders. Cas pulled his lips away from Dean's and buried his face in Dean's neck gently kissing and biting. Dean moaned and wrapped his arms around Cas, pushing their bodies together. He didn't know where this was going, but he didn't care. He leaned his head back, giving Cas better access to the sensitive skin on his neck and throat. He slowly started grinding his hips against Cas and elicited a low moan. Dean reached between their bodies and rubbed Cas through his pants. Cas gasped and moved his head so they he could lock eyes with Dean's. He could stare into Dean's green eyes forever. He felt Dean slip his hand into his pants and grasp his cock. He gently ran his hand along the length and continued to grind his hips. Cas tore his eyes away and leaned down for a hard kiss. He never knew that he could feel like this, but he didn't want it to end. Dean was stroking him faster and Cas could feel the pressure build. He was going to come, he was moaning with Dean's every movement. "Dean..." he cried when he finally came, covering Dean's hand with the hot sticky fluid. Dean continued to gently stroke and squeeze him until he knew that Cas was completely satisfied. Cas leaned down and gave him a lingering kiss before he let his body go limp. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and kissed the top of his head. 

Cas eventually lifted his head and looked at Dean, "my pants are a mess." Dean just chuckled and slid out from underneath him. He went into the bedroom and brought back the box of tissues, boxers, and a pair of track pants. "No shirt?" Cas asked. "I like you better without one." Dean smiled as he kissed Cas's forehead. "But you're going to have to wait until I do laundry before you get those pants back" he told Cas as he cleaned off his stomach. "Damn, you look good in my clothes." Dean said as Cas slipped on the pants and laid on his side with his back against Dean's bare chest. Dean knew that Cas didn't sleep, but he also knew that Cas wasn't going to leave his arms. They restarted the movie and Cas smiled when Dean started softly snoring in his ear. He never knew that he could feel like this.

\---------------------

Dean woke up slowly. He felt gentle and lazy. He remembered what had happened and it made him smile. He knew that Cas was awake, but was still laying against him. He pulled Cas closer and sighed. The only part of this that made any sense is that he was happy. "Hey Cas." he murmured.

Cas rolled over in his arms so that he could see Dean's face. "Good morning Dean." he knew that Dean had the day off and he wanted to stay on the couch in his arms for as long as he could. 

Dean kissed Cas on the forehead and untangled his body. "Nature calls" he said as he stood up. Cas laid back on the couch and watched as Dean walked from the bathroom into the kitchen to make coffee. He felt cold without Dean's body behind him. Dean stood in the kitchen doorway and smiled at Cas on the couch. His bluer than blue eyes, his surprisingly muscular body...he was beautiful. He walked over and pinned Cas to the couch. "I love not working weekends. It's one of the perks of being on emergency call. But now I have a full day, and no plans. Hhmmmm, any ideas Cas?" He bent down and kissed Cas softly. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, "I can't think of a single thing." he whispered. 

Their kisses became heated. Dean moaned at the feel of Cas's hands on his back, he could feel his scar tingle every time Cas's soft skin moved against his. "Bedroom" he whispered in Cas's ear before he got up and reached back for Cas's hand. He pushed Cas back on the bed and crawled to him, trapping his body on the bed. He bent down and teased Cas with soft kisses until Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled their bodies together. He could feel that Dean was hard against him. He slid his hand between their bodies and into Dean's pants. "Your turn" he whispered as he wrapped his hand around Dean's cock. Dean was gently thrusting his hips, guiding Cas's hand along his length. Cas tightened his grip and met Dean's rhythm, he could feel Dean start to throb as he was caught in a frenzied kiss. Dean leaned his head back and moaned, "Oh Cas...". Cas began moving his hand faster until he heard the small cry as Dean came all over Cas's hand. He rolled onto his back, still panting, while Cas grabbed tissues and cleaned them both up. Dean couldn't catch his breath. "Damn, you are a quick learner." he panted as he rolled over and gently kissed Cas. 

Cas moved to stand up. "You started that coffee awhile ago. You should probably drink it or turn it off."

"Cas, lay back down. You're not my servant, you're my angel."

\--------------------

They spent the rest of the day lazy on the couch, but together. Dean laid his head on Cas's lap and just stared at his lips when he talked. Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair and thought how perfect he was. Cas could finally feel it. He could feel that Dean was happy. He needed to save him.

\--------------------

Dean was surprised when he heard his phone buzz. He was even more surprised when he saw that it was Bobby's number. Sam! Something had happened to Sam! "Cas, I've got to take this. You stay there, I'll just go outside. Cas nodded and started a movie.

\----------------

"Bobby?" Dean said when he got out into the hallway. "What's going on? Is Sam okay?"

"Sam's fine. He doesn't even know that I'm calling you. You had some visitors, Dean. Two men in suits came knocking on my door looking for you, and they didn't look real happy. What in the hell is going on son?"

Uriel and Zachariah.

"I don't know. Bill collectors?"

"Don't try to bullshit a bullshiter Dean, they asked an awful lot of questions and didn't like it much when I told them that I didn't know where you are. What kind of trouble are you in?"

"Uh, it's nothing I can't handle. Just a little misunderstanding. I'll take care of it."

"Now I know that you're lying to me and you're too bullheaded to tell me the truth. I know that you can take care of yourself but you let me know if you need anything. I worry about you, boy."

"Thanks Bobby. Wait, did they talk to Sam? Did they ask about him?"

"No, is Sam in danger?"

"No, he's not. Listen Bobby, I've got to go. I'll call later." and Dean hung up without saying goodbye. Uriel and Zachariah were getting too close, but he couldn't tell Cas. He had to believe that Cas knew what he was doing. He had to forget that Bobby called him. He had to pretend like nothing had happened. He took a deep breath and turned towards the apartment.

\----------------------

"Okay, tissues are a decent quick fix, but I need a shower." Dean said as he walked back in. He needed a distraction. He needed Cas. He turned his head and looked at Cas, "you coming?" Cas just smiled as he followed Dean. Dean started the shower and turned to Cas, he ran his hands across Cas's stomach and around to his back, dipping his fingers inside of the waistband on his pants. "These have got to go" he whispered as he slid them down his body. He got out of his own clothes and pulled Cas into the shower. He leaned against the cold tile and held Cas's body close. Cas felt Dean's hand on the back of his head as he leaned in for a kiss. Dean's mouth was hot and needy, his other hand pressed against Cas's back, holding their bodies together. He pulled his mouth away from Cas's, and left a trail of kisses along his jawline to his ear. "Sometimes the best sex is no sex" he whispered. "I plan on touching every inch of your body, but I'm not going to make you come, not yet. I'm going to leave you so bothered that you won't want me, you'll need me." and he gently pushed Cas away from him. He poured body wash in his hands and cleaned every inch of Cas's body. Dean wouldn't let Cas touch him. He soaped up his own body and turned the water off once all of the bubbles had gone down the drain. He pulled their wet bodies together for one last deep kiss before they dried off and got dressed. Dean had to put Uriel and Zachariah out of he head. He didn't want Cas to know. 

\--------------------

Cas joined Dean in his bed that night. They gently kissed and touched, but Dean still wouldn't let it get too heated. He fell asleep with Cas in his arms. Instead of nightmares he had dreams. Dreams of a normal life. Dreams about Sam and Bobby...and Cas. They were all talking and laughing while they ate dinner. They argued over whether they should play cards or watch a movie. He called Sam a bitch, and Sam called him a jerk. Bobby called them all idjits. He dreamt of the life that he wanted.

\--------------------

Cas was still laying on Dean's bed when he left for work. Dean felt changed, he felt happy. But if there was one thing that he'd learned from hunting it was never get too comfortable. That's when you were at your weakest. He worried about Cas. He wondered if Cas had gone to try and fix things with Uriel and Zachariah. He wanted this whole thing over, but he didn't want Cas getting hurt. 

All Dean saw when he walked in the door after work were the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. Cas had waited for him. Before he could even put his jacket down he was wrapped in Cas's arms. "Do you remember what you said about needing you? All I could think about today was you. I need you Dean. I need to feel you."

"Cas, I'm still dirty from work. I haven't even showered yet."

"So we'll shower later."

Cas dragged Dean into the bedroom and pushed him down on the mattress. "Aggressive angel..." Dean moaned while Cas unbuttoned his shirt, dropping kisses down Dean's chest. He pulled off Dean's shoes and socks and started fumbling with his belt buckle. "I'll do the rest, you take care of yours." Within minutes they were in each others arms, skin to skin. Dean rolled Cas on his back and held him with a hard kiss. He kissed and bit on the soft skin of his neck. Cas moaned and tilted his head back. Dean kissed his way down Cas's body until he reached his hard cock. He looked up at Cas as he wrapped his hand around it and trailed his tongue softly across the head. Cas gasped and shivered. Dean smiled and licked it again. He ran his tongue under the ridge while Cas tried to arch his body. Dean put his other hand on Cas's hip to hold him still before he took his head into his mouth and gently sucked. Cas moaned and tried to move but Dean stopped him. Dean dipped his head down and took as much of Cas's cock into his mouth and down his throat as he could, sliding his tongue around the shaft. He slowly set a rhythm using his mouth and hand. He could feel Cas throbbing and he moved his mouth faster. He sucked harder. He heard Cas cry out and he slid his mouth down one final time and felt the hot come slide down his throat. Cas was panting and shaking while Dean gently squeezed and licked him until he became too sensitive to touch. He crawled up the bed next to Cas and kissed him on the forehead, pulling him close.

"Dean, that was...I don't know. I can't even think right now."

"So don't" Dean whispered.

They must have laid like that for an hour before Cas finally broke the silence. "What about you, Dean. What do you want?"

Dean desperately wanted to feel himself slide into Cas, but he knew it would hurt. "I don't want to hurt you."

"What do you mean?"

Dean rolled on his side and looked at Cas. There was still enough light coming through the window for him to see the beautiful blue of Cas's eyes. He ran his fingers down the side of Cas's cheek, "what I want Cas is to be inside of you, but it will hurt you. At least at first it will. I don't want to hurt you." Cas just stared into Dean's eyes. "It's okay Dean, we'll go slow. I want what you want." Dean could feel himself growing hard, and he knew that Cas could feel it too. "But Cas..." Cas leaned up and kissed him, "I want what you want."

Dean slid his pillows under Cas's hips and grabbed the bottle of lotion off of his nightstand. He settled himself between Cas's legs and bent down to kiss him. "Promise me that you'll let me know if it's too much" Cas nodded and leaned up to meet his kiss. Dean could see the complete trust and faith in Cas's eyes. His scar was tingling as Cas started running his hands up and down Dean's arms. Dean spread lotion on two fingers and gently pressed one inside of Cas. He saw Cas wince and realized that it was too much. He couldn't ask Cas to do this for him. He started to withdraw it when Cas grabbed his arm, "I want what you want." Dean just nodded and kissed Cas hard as he slid the other finger in. He began to gently move them around, trying to loosen Cas enough to take his cock. When Cas finally relaxed he pulled his fingers out and rubbed lotion on himself and pressed the head against Cas's hole. "This is going to hurt, but I won't move until I know that you're okay." Cas nodded at him and they locked eyes. Dean pushed forward and slid himself all of the way in. Cas's eyes widened and he gasped. Dean bent down and gave him a long lingering kiss. He sat up and ran his hands gently up and down Cas's chest. Cas finally nodded and Dean bent down for another kiss before he started gently rocking his hips. He could still see the pain on Cas's face, but he knew that Cas didn't want him to stop. Cas was so tight around him, he wasn't going to last long. He rocked his hips a little harder until he heard Cas gasp, "there Dean, right there." Cas's face went from pain to pleasure as Dean started to thrust, Cas moaning with every movement. Dean was throbbing and knew he was close until Cas reached up to grip his shoulders. He placed his hand over Dean's scar, matching his flesh with Dean's perfectly. Dean felt a jolt of heat and pleasure flow through his body, it was like nothing he'd ever felt before. He pushed in one final thrust before he exploded. He collapsed on top of Cas, unable to speak. The pleasure kept rolling in waves through him long after he'd come. He had never felt anything so intense in his life. Cas was gently trailing his fingers up and down Dean's back, murmuring into his ear. Dean knew that he could never let go. It didn't matter what Cas was, Cas was his. He was Cas's. They were bound.

After a long and relaxing shower they laid on the couch, Dean holding Cas from behind.

"Cas?"

"Hhmmm?" Cas said contentedly.

"Can I tell you something that I've never told anyone?"

"You can tell me anything" Cas said as he rolled towards Dean.

"No Cas" Dean whispered. "Stay where you are. I don't want you looking at me."

Cas rolled back and pulled Dean's arms more tightly around him.

"When I was in hell" Dean whispered, "I gave in. I finally caved. I fought it Cas. I fought for 30 years. I stayed on that rack and let them torture me, but I just couldn't take anymore. I got down Cas. I stood next to the ones who tortured me and waited for them to bring new souls in. I cut and I sliced. I lied and taunted. For 10 years I did that. I was good at it. It was who I became. I still have nightmares. I still hear the screams. I still remember the rush I got from doing it. I became a monster Cas. There was nothing good flowing through me when you touched me. I was as bad as the rest of them." Dean buried his face in the back of Cas's neck and cried. 

"Dean?"

"I'm a fucking monster Cas. You should be afraid of me. Half of the time I'm afraid of myself."

Cas rolled over and faced Dean. He wrapped his arms around him and held him until he was emotionally exhausted and cried out. "Dean, you are not a monster. You are tortured and broken. Look at me." Dean lifted his face and they locked eyes. "You did what you had to do in order to survive. If you believe that you're a monster, then you've built your own hell. You left everything behind to start over, except for that. It's time for you to leave that behind you. I did feel good in you that day. I feel it more and more every time you touch me. I have no reason to lie to you about that. When I felt you, I felt that pain. But I also felt your passion and loyalty. I knew that when you love, you love with everything that you have. Your spirit was beautiful to me."

Dean leaned up and kissed Cas softly, "Thank you Cas. I still don't understand why you believe in me, but I can't imagine my life if you didn't. You're everything."

That night Cas held Dean against his chest and just listened to him breathe. He knew that he had to stop Uriel and Zachariah, and he had to do it soon.

\--------------------

Dean felt like a weight had been lifted. He was grinning as he rushed up the stairs after work to see Cas. He almost tripped over Cas's trenchcoat. He picked it up off of the stairs and saw a tear in the fabric. He rushed into the apartment. A chair and the lamp had been knocked over. He looked through the small rooms but didn't see Cas anywhere, and his suit was missing. Cas hadn't put his suit back on since that first night on the couch. "Cas?" he yelled, hoping that Cas would appear. He knew in his heart that he wouldn't but he tried again. There had been a fight. They had Cas. "I hope your angel ass left that blade here somewhere" Dean mumbled as he searched the apartment. He just had the few weapons he had taken from the Impala, he needed the blade. He found it under the bed. He wrapped the trenchcoat around it and ran to his truck.

He didn't know where to go. He didn't know if there was a way to find him. If they'd taken him back upstairs then he probably would never see him again. If there was a chance they were still around, he had to try. His heart was pounding and his scar started to throb. There was so much barren land around town, they could be anywhere. He drove east and noticed that the throbbing in his scar weakened. He turned around and drove west and the throbbing intensified. Maybe he was being ridiculous in thinking that his scar may be reacting to Cas but he remember what had happened last night when Cas touched it. They were bound. It was the only thing he had to go on. He drove for miles down dirt roads and then drove for miles off road. His shoulder hurt so bad that he could barely move his arm. That's when he saw the two figures standing over a body on the ground. He got out of the truck and tucked the blade in the back of his pants, pulling his shirt down over it. He walked towards the men and saw that it was Cas on the ground, Uriel and Zachariah were standing over him.

"Hey assholes!" he yelled as he walked closer.

"Aw look, Dean Winchester" Zachariah said with a smile. "When we realized that you were cavorting with our little rogue friend here we figured we might as well kill two birds with one stone. Punish Castiel and take you to fulfill the prophecy. My my you are loyal. All it took was us stealing your pathetic little angel to flush you out."

Dean looked down at Cas. He was unconscious. His eye was swollen shut and blood was dripping out of his nose. They had worked him over.

"What in the fuck did you do to him?"

"Nothing that he didn't deserve." Uriel said. "But his true punishment is waiting at home." 

"But you want me. Why do you need Cas?"

"Oh, you have nicknames now. Isn't that cute? We left him alive until you showed up. We wondered if you would make the same deal that you made for your brother, Sam. Your life for his." Zachariah turned to him, waiting for an answer. 

"Or do you need more encouragement?" Uriel asked as he kicked Cas in the ribs, rolling him on to his back.

"Don't you touch him again. Don't you dare fucking touch him."

"And you're going to stop me how?" Uriel asked. "A reasonable conversation? Maybe a good old fashioned fist fight. If you look at your precious 'Cas' you can see how a fist fight with me ends. And I'm not even finished with him yet."

Dean couldn't remember the last time he had felt this enraged. All of his resentment towards his father, his memories of hell, his feelings for Cas built up until he felt like he might explode.

"Now don't get so upset Dean" Zachariah said. "You don't even know the terms of our offer yet."

"Fuck your terms!"

"You and your vocabulary. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh wait, I almost forgot. She died when you were young. So tragic."

Dean's rage turned into a white hot fury when he lunged at Zachariah. He punched him in the mouth, knocking him on the ground. He pulled the blade out and wrapped his arm around Zachariah's neck. "You stop and let us go or I'll plunge this thing straight through his heart."

Uriel just laughed, "he is disposable, kind of like your little Castiel. Tell me, what have you and Castiel been up to? You seem very concerned about his well being." He pulled out his own angel blade and walked towards Cas.

"No you piece of shit! You leave him the fuck alone." Dean yelled as he shoved the angel blade through Zachariah's chest. 

Uriel walked to Cas and rested the tip of his blade on his chest. "You will follow me upstairs. You Winchesters are a lot of things, but I know you won't let me kill Castiel to save yourself. Just give up now and this will all be over."

Dean looked down at Cas and saw his hand twitch. At least he was still alive. He dropped the blade.

"Okay, I'll go. Just don't kill him. Don't."

Uriel lifted his blade from Cas's chest. "Well there we go. Was that really so hard?" And without warning he fell to the ground. Dean reached down and picked up his blade. He stepped forward and plunged it through Uriel's back. That's when he saw that Cas had grabbed Uriel's ankle.

"Dean..." Cas mumbled almost incoherently, "I can't let you do that. Not for me."

Dean fell to the ground and rested his head against Cas's chest. The feel of Cas's heartbeat brought him to tears. "I couldn't let them hurt you Cas, not when I could stop it."

"Let's go home Dean." Cas mumbled.

Dean grabbed all of the angel blades and threw them in the back of his truck. Cas was barely able to walk, but he leaned heavily on Dean and made it. Dean started the engine and headed back to town. 

\-----------------

Dean helped Cas up the stairs and into the bed. He and Sam had to take care of their own injuries after hunts enough times that he knew how to check Cas over. He got him out of his suit and started checking for broken bones. Cas was mumbling incoherently but it was music to Dean's ears. "Hannah..." The only broken bones seemed to be a few ribs. It would hurt like hell for awhile but he was breathing okay so he didn't puncture a lung. He needed to keep Cas awake, he wanted to keep him talking. "Cas, who is Hannah? Come on Cas!" Dean heard a voice behind him.

"I'm Hannah."

He turned around and saw a woman standing in the corner of his room.

"You're an angel? So you're here to? Why are you here?"

"I have a message for Castiel but I have very little time. You just killed two of our own before I could tell him. They have found a suitable substitute. They desire your help Dean, but it is no longer needed."

"Well can you help Cas? Heal him? What am I supposed to do?"

But she was already gone.

Dean stayed by Cas's side. He called Hank to tell him that he was sick and wouldn't be in for the next few days. Finally exhaustion took over and he fell asleep next to Cas on the bed.

"Dean?" 

Dean jumped up and kneeled on the floor next to Cas's side of the bed. "Yeah Cas?" he said as he gently brushed Cas's hair off of his forehead. 

"Dean, I need a bottle, a glass bottle with a stopper." His voice was so quiet that Dean had to lean in to hear him. 

"A glass bottle? Okay, why?"

"Please Dean..."

Dean threw on his jacket and went out to his truck. He had no idea where to find a glass bottle, especially in a town this small. He went to the diner. The waitresses there loved him, they said to try the second hand store. He described what he needed to the clerk at the second hand store. She was able to find an old perfume bottle with a stopper. Dean threw it in his pocket and rushed home. Cas was sitting up in bed.

"Cas! You're up! Okay, I got the bottle. Do you need anything else?"

"Something sharp."

Dean stepped back and looked at Cas, "Something sharp? What are you doing Cas?"

"I want to remove my grace Dean."

"Cas, that's kind of a big deal. It'll change who you are."

"No Dean, it will change what I can do. I don't want this anymore. I want to be human. I want to be with you." 

Dean was choked up, he didn't know what to say.

"Unless you don't want me."

"Oh god Cas, that's not it. The only time I feel right is when I'm with you. I can't lose you."

"So help me remove my grace. I just need to make a small cut."

Dean held the bottle while Cas cut himself. Dean was amazed when he watched the glowing material move into the bottle and he put the stopper on.

"You know that you're going to have to eat and drink and sleep now, right?"

"I do. And I'm looking forward to all of it."

\-------------------

Cas's recovery wasn't easy. Dean tried to get him to stay in bed, but he'd get up and move around. Especially after Dean went back to work. The first few times he tried to eat he got sick. His ribs hurt and made it hard for him to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. Eventually the bruises faded, and he had an appetite. He learned to love coffee, and was always happy when Dean brought diner food home for him. He understood when Dean told him that they couldn't go out in public together. Not in a small town. They were laying in bed when Dean decided it was time to have the talk.

"Cas?"

"Yeah?" 

"I want to go home. I want to go back to Bobby's" He felt Cas's body tense. He rolled over and kissed Cas's shoulder, he was still afraid of hurting his ribs or the splits in his lips. "I want you to come with me."

"But Sam...Bobby...I'm male Dean."

"Cas, it's not like this backwards podunk town. It's Sam and Bobby. They love me and they want me happy. They want me home."

"Are you sure Dean?"

"Cas, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. You are everything to me."

"I'll go where you go, Dean. You should know that."

Dean gave Cas a grin and kissed him on the forehead. "Get some sleep."

Dean walked out into the living room and picked up his phone. He hit speed dial and waited. It only took two rings.

"Sammy, I know that I missed a week and that today is actually Friday, but I want to talk. I'm in Wyoming. I've been working at a garage. And I met someone...no Sam, not a her, a him. He's amazing. Well everything was going smoothly until he randomly knocked on my door one night..."

They talked for hours. Dean told him everything.

"Sam, I want to come home. We want to come home. You'll love him. I need to tie up some loose ends so it'll be a couple of weeks. I'll call you in a couple of days." 

Dean walked into the bedroom to check on Cas. He'd finally fallen asleep curled on his side, holding Dean's pillow against him. He rubbed his hands up his face and just watched him. He wouldn't let himself think about what could have happened. He just knew that Cas was with him and he'd do anything to keep him safe. 

"There could be repercussions, Dean."

Dean spun around and saw Hannah standing in the corner. "What do you mean repercussions? You said that they found someone else."

"Not for you, Dean. For Castiel. He became a rogue angel and was involved in the killing of Uriel and Zachariah. He is not looked upon favorably."

"But he's not even an angel anymore."

"I know that he removed his grace. I've always been fond of Castiel." She stepped forward and touched Cas's shoulder. "He's been warded. The two if you should be safe. Take care of him."

She disappeared and Dean gently crawled into bed and wrapped his arms around Cas. He kissed the back of his neck and across his shoulders. He just wanted to feel him, to hold him. That's how they fell asleep.

\--------------------

"Dean, I'm fine. I want to." Cas whispered as he ran his hand along Dean's side. They were laying in bed on their sides, facing each other.

"Cas, you broke ribs. I can still see some of the bruises. I can't." He was trying to ignore the feeling of Cas's hands and mouth on his skin.

"I know you won't hurt me, Dean. I feel fine." Cas reached between them and started rubbing Dean through his sweats.

Dean groaned, "you do not play fair" and leaned in to kiss Cas. He wanted Cas so badly...he was aching for him. 

"This isn't about playing fair" Cas whispered as he rolled on his back and pulled Dean on top of him. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and pulled him down for a passionate kiss. "We'll go slow."

Dean was already hard. It was taking a long time for Cas to heal without his grace and it had been weeks since they made love. But the last thing that Dean wanted was to hurt him. "Okay, we'll go slow."

Cas smiled as he ran his hands up and down Dean back. Dean was hesitant to put any weight on Cas, but he lowered his body until their bare chests were touching. He leaned on his forearms and bent down to softly kiss Cas's neck and shoulders. Cas was perfect and Dean knew how lucky he was. Dean tilted his head back and looked into those blue eyes. He couldn't imagine a life without them, without Cas. Cas was gently rocking his hips against Dean, he reached down and again started rubbing him through his sweats. Cas knew he wasn't playing fair, but he had spent too many nights in Dean's arms unable to touch him. He knew that Dean was afraid, but Cas couldn't take it anymore. He needed to feel Dean against him. Dean was already hard and breathing heavy. Cas pushed at the waistband of Dean's sweats until he wiggled out of them and pulled off Cas's pants. He settled himself between Cas's legs and started slowly rocking back and forth with Cas, trapping their cocks between their stomachs. They both moaned with the friction. Cas could feel that he was going to come quickly. "Dean...I'm going to..." he whispered. "Me too..." Dean said as he sped up the pace. Cas dug his fingers into Dean's back and threw his head back. Just as he was going to explode he heard Dean's strangled cry and felt the hot sticky liquid on his stomach as he came. They slowed their pace but kept rocking. Dean finally stopped and rolled onto his back. "Did I hurt you?" He asked as he reached for the box of tissues. "Do you remember when you told me that sex was the opposite of pain?" Cas asked, still breathing heavily. "You were right, it is. You didn't hurt me Dean." Dean gave Cas a long and lingering kiss then pulled him into his arms. 

\--------------------

"So, I gave Hank my two weeks notice. I just told him that my uncle needed help at the salvage yard. The only thing I really care about bringing with us is that stereo. I told him he could keep everything else. Unless you want anything, Cas. Cas? Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry" Cas said when he turned around to face Dean. "Two weeks, and the stereo. That's fine. I don't have anything here that's mine anyway." Dean had thrown away his trenchcoat and suit. Neither one of them wanted those memories in the home that they shared. Cas had been wearing Dean's clothes instead.

Dean walked to Cas and wrapped his arms around him from behind, "you know that's not true. I'm yours."

Cas turned in Dean's arms, "I know you are."

\--------------------

Cas encouraged Dean to go out with the guys from work on his last day. He walked around the apartment absentmindedly touching familiar items. The only human he'd been around since he had removed his grace was Dean. He was scared to meet Sam and Bobby. He knew that Dean had told them about him. He'd heard Dean tell Sam how amazing and wonderful he was. But, despite Dean's reassurance, he was afraid. Sam and Bobby meant everything to Dean. They were his family and Cas desperately hoped that they liked him. Dean came home and found Cas just sitting at the kitchen table.

"Cas? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm just scared Dean."

Dean turned the chair and squatted down. He took Cas's hands in his. "Cas, don't be scared. I've told them all about you, and I've told you all about them. Knowing Sammy, he's nervous too. It's going to be fine. It's going to be better than fine. Now we have exactly one night left to use that bed." he got up on his knees and started kissing Cas's neck. "And I've spent all day thinking about things that we could do in it." He stood up and pulled Cas to him, "I want my last memories in this apartment to be just you and I together." He grabbed Cas's hand and they walked towards the bedroom.

\-----------------------

They hadn't made it to the bed yet when Dean pulled Cas against him and kissed him deeply. He pulled Cas's shirt up over his head and dropped it on the floor. "I want to make tonight something you'll never forget," he whispered as he fumbled with Cas's belt. Cas reached down to help him and Dean dropped to his knees, sliding Cas's pants off. Cas was hard and Dean grasped the base of his cock. "Look at me Cas. I want you to watch me." he said as he slowly started licking. Cas kept his eyes on Dean and moaned. He wrapped his fingers through Dean's hair. Dean stopped when he felt the familiar throbbing. He stood up and pulled Cas to him, "Not yet, not this soon." Cas helped him out of his clothes and pushed him backwards on to the bed. He intertwined Dean fingers with his own and held Dean's arms above his head. Cas slipped between his legs and pressed their hard cocks between them. He started to slowly rock his hips as he bent down and teased Dean with gentle kisses. He sped up his rhythm and finally gave Dean the hard kiss that he had been waiting for. Dean moaned against Cas's mouth and tried to free his hands. "Not yet Dean" Cas whispered as he slowly stopped rocking and let go of Dean's hands. Cas got out of bed and signaled for Dean to follow him. He turned the stereo on and turned to Dean, "I want this to happen in every room.". Dean pulled him to the couch. They laid on their sides facing each other. Dean leaned in and whispered, "I don't care where it happens, as long as I'm with you. I want what you want Cas." and kissed Cas passionately, exploring his mouth. He reached down and wrapped his hand loosely around Cas. He slowly slid his hand up and down. Cas locked eyes with him and smiled as he slid his hand down Dean's stomach. They laid there lazily touching each other and kissing. "So what about the kitchen?" Cas asked. Dean chuckled, "that would be a new one, let's go make out in the kitchen." Dean had Cas pressed against the kitchen wall, leaning in for a deep kiss. Cas wrapped one arm around his neck and slid the other down his back, pressing their bodies together. He could feel Dean start grinding against him. His breath caught and his legs went weak. "We need to finish this, but not here." he moaned in Dean's ear. He could feel Dean right behind as he walked back into the bedroom, "we'll shower later.". Cas moved the pillows and handed Dean the lotion before he laid down. "Are you sure Cas?" He could hear the need in Dean's voice. "I'm sure. I want this." Cas closed his eyes when he felt the bed dip. He lost himself in the feeling of Dean's hands and mouth. He was so hard that it almost hurt. He felt Dean between his legs, sliding a finger inside of him. He felt the second finger and gasped. He didn't care that it hurt, he wanted Dean more that he'd ever wanted anything. He just nodded when he heard Dean, "Cas?". He felt Dean slide inside of him. He wrapped his legs around Dean and tilted his hips. He could feel Dean's cock hit his sweet spot almost immediately. Dean reached down and wrapped his hand around him, stroking him to the same rhythm as his thrusts. Cas looked up at Dean's beautiful face and realized how lucky he was. He had never felt anything like this. Every movement that Dean made filled Cas's body with ecstasy. He reached up and grabbed Dean by the shoulders, placing his hand over Dean's scar, the mark that he had left. Dean felt Cas throbbing in his hand and knew that he was also close. He felt Cas grab his shoulder again and he exploded, barely feeling Cas come in his hand. Dean had never felt anything so intense in his life. This perfect moment, his feelings for Cas brought tears to his eyes. He collapsed and hid his face against Cas's neck, crying softly. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and cried with him. He didn't ever want to let go. He wanted this feeling to last forever.

They eventually untangled their bodies and showered, gently touching and kissing under the hot water. They weren't rushed or hurried. They finally got out when the water turned cold and crawled into bed. Cas desperately wanted to tell Dean what he was feeling, but he couldn't form the words. "Dean..." Dean just pulled him closer and softly kissed him. "I know Cas. Me too..." The fell asleep in each other's arms for the last time in the apartment.

\-------------------------

Dean had already taken the stereo down to the truck. He knew that Cas was down there waiting for him, but he needed to take one more look around before he dropped the keys off at the shop. He'd been gone for almost a year, he couldn't believe that it had been long. He picked up his heavy duffel bag and shut off the light, locking the door behind him. He set the keys on Hanks desk when nobody was looking. He didn't want to see anybody from the shop. He was leaving. He was going home.

\-------------------------

Cas intertwined his fingers with Dean's and held his hand tightly the entire ride to Bobby's. Dean was his everything. Dean was his world. They finally turned off of the highway onto the dirt drive leading into Bobby's salvage yard. Dean put the truck in park and turned to Cas. "Cas, quit worrying. You'll be fine. You'll be better than fine." He pulled their hands to his lips and kissed each of Cas's white knuckles. He leaned in and gave Cas a long kiss. "Let's go" he whispered and put the truck in drive. The truck moved slowly down the driveway and pulled up in front of the house. Cas could see Sam and Bobby on the porch. Dean had told him that Sam was tall, but he looked a lot taller in person. He was already bounding down the stairs towards them. Dean squeezed his hand one last time and opened the door to get out of the truck. Cas stayed rooted on the seat and watched Sam wrap his arms around Dean in a giant hug. Cas took a deep breath and got out. He shut the door quietly and just stood there. "Cas, come here." Dean called. Cas walked around the back of the truck slowly and stood behind Dean, his heart was pounding. "Sammy, this is Cas." Before he knew what hit him, Sam pulled him into a bear hug. Once he let go, Cas took a step back.

"So you're the one who brought this jerk back to me, twice."

"Shut up, bitch." Dean interjected.

"Yeah, I guess." Cas said quietly. He could feel Sam's eyes on him.

"Honestly Cas, thank you. You have no idea..."

"Enough with the chick flick moment" Dean interrupted as he reached back and grabbed Cas's hand. He led him to the house with Sam right behind them. "Cas, this is Bobby. Don't worry, he's all bark and no bite. Just a big old teddy bear." Dean laughed as he let go of Cas's hand and wrapped his arms around Bobby. When Dean let go he grabbed Cas's hand again. Bobby just nodded at him and smiled. "I'll grab my stuff and throw it into one of the bedrooms upstairs." He picked up the duffel bag before anyone could touch it. He'd hidden the angel blades in the bottom, but he didn't want Cas to see them. He wanted Cas to forget about that day. He figured he'd sneak them into the trunk of the Impala. Cas followed him upstairs and into a bedroom. "You okay?" Dean asked. Cas just nodded with tears in his eyes. Dean pulled him against his body and wrapped his arms around him. "I know it's overwhelming Cas." He kissed the tears from his cheeks. "Let's go downstairs, I'll stay right by your side." Cas nodded and followed Dean, still gripping his hand tightly.

\----------------------

After Cas's first home cooked meal, they all sat in the living room and talked over one another. Sam had a million questions, and each answer from Dean brought new questions. Cas had to smile at the brothers. Sam kept telling him that he couldn't believe how long he'd been putting up with Dean, and he said it with a warm teasing smile. Bobby just shook his head a lot, but looked at them all fondly. Cas found himself relaxing and even joining in the conversation when Sam started telling embarrassing 'Dean' stories. Dean had draped his arm across Cas's shoulders and pulled him close. 

"Okay, enough trying to embarrass Dean. I'm tired from the road and ready for bed." Dean said as he stood up. He looked at Cas and reached his hand out. Cas took his hand and stood up. Sam smiled at them from his place in the chair. 

Bobby stopped Cas at the bottom of the stairs and put his hand on his shoulder, "Thank you Cas. You got him back here safe, and this is the happiest I've ever seen that boy." He squeezed Cas's shoulder and walked away. Cas hurried up the stairs to catch up with Dean. 

Dean closed the bedroom door behind Cas, stripped down to his boxers, and laid down on the bed. "Are you just going to stand there?" he asked. Cas stripped down and crawled onto the bed. Dean rolled on his side and pulled Cas to him. He kissed him softly at first, and then with more passion.

"Dean?" Cas whispered.

"What Cas?"

"Should we really...I mean...this isn't..."

"Cas" Dean whispered as he leaned forward until their foreheads were touching, "this is our bed, this is our room. I want to feel you." He began touching and kissing Cas. Cas lost himself in the feeling and began kissing and touching him back. They were slow and gentle. There was no rush, they had all night. When they were both satisfied and too tired to keep going, Dean pulled Cas to him. "We just made love in our bed Cas, in our room. I want to keep making love to you in this bed, in this room. I want to feel our arms around each other as I fall asleep. I want to wake up every morning and see those beautiful blue eyes. Welcome home Cas."


End file.
